Fighting with Feelings
Watching Movies
I remember being in a movie theater with a friend when we were young teenagers.
Something in the movie affected him deeply because, although he tried to suppress it, he began to cry.
I remember his discomfort, embarrassment and the simultaneous impulse he had to - on the one hand, fight the feelings, but, on the other hand, acknowledge them - and accept that the tears were something he didn’t have complete control over.
Though me and my friends leaned towards the brainy and sensitive side of the young male spectrum at that point in our development - it still wasn't a comfortable thing for young men to display emotions of vulnerability in front of each other.
And so while he was able to acknowledge that his feelings were a reality, and not completely shut them out, he still struggled to accept them and allow their expression.
Warrior
Some nights back I watched the movie Warrior.
It’s about two brothers training for what in the movie is referred to as the Super Bowl of Mixed Martial Arts (In the USA the Super Bowl is a reference to the largest sporting event in a particular professional league).
If you're not familiar with Mixed Martial Arts, it's a type of martial art that incorporates:
aspects of striking from boxing and similar arts
grappling from disciplines like wrestling (and a practice called Brazilian jiu jitsu)
as well as other forms of fighting,
It was made popular in the USA by a professional sports league called the UFC or the Ultimate Fighting Championship.
(As an aside, one of the movement teachers I learned from in the course of my career trained one of the best known competitors in this league, a man named Conor McGregor.)
Contests are fought in rings and octagon-shaped cages.
And unlike boxing, which is composed of competitors battling in 3 minute rounds, competitors in MMA fight for rounds that last 5 minutes, with a 1 minute rest between rounds.
Championship fights go 5 rounds. Others go 3.
I've been particularly interested for some time in the training that is used to prepare what, in the professional training world, are called tactical athletes.
Tactical athletes include everyone from law enforcement officers to military personnel to athletes who compete in competitions like boxing or the MMA, mixed martial arts contests.
One of the reasons MMA athletes are so interesting is because the demands placed on their bodies require great technical precision on the part of the trainers who work with them.
Unlike a marathon runner who can focus on one particular adaptation - making their heart better at going long distances - or a power lifter on the opposite end of the spectrum - who can focus on short sudden bursts of strength - a mixed martial artist has to be able to do a lot of things very well.
And this is a particular type of challenge for both the human body and anyone working to train an athlete for these events.
Training Qualities in the Human Body
In general, when working with training, a person pursues one ability at a time. (Although, not always.)
So that if one is working towards endurance one might not be working towards strength or vice versa.
However, the demands of a fighter do not allow for this kind of specialization.
Something that most people don't know about fighting is that one of the greatest limiting factors is the heart.
Throwing punches is an exhausting practice and if you've ever tried to hit a heavy bag, the type a boxer trains with, you'll notice a couple of things.
When you go all out, your heart rate will spike very quickly and you will only be able to maintain that level of output for a very brief period of time.
This applies to all sports, whether one is a sprinter, a fighter, or participating in any sport that requires an individual to get close to their maximum heart rate.
The human body is not capable of maintaining maximum heart rates in most people for more than seconds at a time.
And whether it’s twenty or thirty or less, anyone pushing their heart in its upward ranges will quickly tire. (Pros may be able to go somewhat longer.)
So fighters have to not only train their bodies to make their hearts efficient in short explosive bursts, but also in an opposite direction, which is the long endurance more typically associated with a marathon runner. This allows them to recover between intense efforts.
All of this, by the way, applies to normal folks.
After all, who wants a strong body but a weak heart? Or a strong heart but a weak body?
This technical problem for fighters is similar to being in the United States and trying to drive to the East Coast and the West Coast simultaneously.
You are trying to get the body to go in opposite directions.
It takes a very particular kind of training to get the heart to adapt so that a person gets the benefits of both fast explosive movement and long endurance.
And even if you get this right, this type of training, which is referred to as conditioning, can't exist in isolation.
Unlike a powerlifter who can be strong but doesn't need their heart to be able to have great endurance, a mixed martial arts fighter needs:
to be strong
have good endurance.
deliver power in their punches
have a body that can absorb blows
be able to move and recover quickly
Running Out of Gas
All of this shows up in a fight in what, in the industry, is often called “gassing out.”
“Gassing out” is where a fighter might have the strength to win an event but because they don't have the conditioning they need, they become unable to implement their strength because their heart just won't keep up with the demand.
And yet even a fighter who is strong and well conditioned still needs:
mobility
the ability to move like a dancer or like somebody who has a high level of technical movement proficiency, especially if they become entangled on the floor
That's because practices like Brazilian jujitsu (BJJ) require a high level of technical proficiency for manipulating an opponent's body on the ground in very specific ways.
People can study BJJ for a lifetime.
Meanwhile, on top of everything else, these athletes need the kind of psychological and emotional resilience which can only be trained in fighting situations.
Trainers who work with these athletes talk about them simultaneously doing tremendous athletic feats, while doing the equivalent of solving complex math problems in their head (i.e cognition and strategy), while taking a physical beating.
So, you can see why it's such a challenging endeavor.
The athletes at the top of these sports have to have a particular type of confidence and a larger-than-life aggression in order to be able to withstand the demands.
And while the movie Warrior doesn't go into the details of the training used with such athletes - instead using montages to suggest it - it does capture the reality that often in these training situations you'll find people who are channeling emotional hurt and anger in what hopefully is a more constructive path.
Fighting With Feelings
In fact, what Warrior captures so well is not the physical demands, but the pain below the surface of its characters.
The actor Tom Hardy is simply amazing in his portrayal.
And if you see the movie, keep in mind that this is an English actor (yes, he speaks with an English accent in normal life) flawlessly playing a military veteran (and professional level fighter) from the United States who comes from Pennsylvania.
Not only does he have the look, movement, accent, posture and emotions of this character down, but he plays them in such an understated way that he, in fact, seems like the fictitious person that he has created.
And while the movie centers on the build up to the Super Bowl of mixed martial arts with a purse of five million dollars which the characters come to need for a variety of dramatic reasons, what's also so powerful about the movie is the dynamics of the family involved.
In a truly Hollywood twist the two competitors who eventually face each other for the prize are brothers - brothers that have grown up in a very dysfunctional family.
The actor Nick Nolte plays their father, a former marine and troubled alcoholic who has been rejected by both his sons due to his past behavior.
Nolte is now a thousand days sober and throughout the movie tries to make amends but his history of chaotic and inconsistent behavior makes his sons unable to forgive him or allow him back into their lives in any meaningful way.
Hardy's character is deeply troubled by the things he himself experienced while a marine fighting in Iraq and his violent, single-minded fury is channeled into his fights inside the ring.
His brother, a physics teacher, has succeeded in forming a healthy family and a loving marriage and is the underdog in a world in which he once dabbled as a low level fighter but now has been away from for some time.
If you sense there's a bit of Rocky going on here, you are on the right track.
So while I watched the movie to learn more about the depiction of technical details involved in a challenging sport, I got caught up in the personal drama.
Like my friend, so long ago, I found myself unexpectedly, deeply moved, and crying.
The characters themselves struggle greatly to reconcile and deal with the legacy of pain and loss in their family of origin.
And while the father's alcoholism is mostly alluded to and never directly shown, except in one brief and powerful scene, both actors who play the sons do a great job of covering over the deep hurt and sense of abandonment and betrayal that now fuels their behavior.
If you've ever had experience with people who grew up in an alcoholic home then you'll understand the kind of deep and lasting damage that addictions to substances leave in their wake.
But what becomes clear by the end of the movie is that all of these characters are lost.
All of them, deep down, yearn for reconciliation, love, and support.
And yet, their lives have been so fractured by different types of pain that they're almost unable to find their way back to it.
And perhaps that's what the filmmakers intend, that the viewer vicariously experience the different pulls between hurt and love amidst a story about people who are trying to overcome tremendous odds in an incredibly challenging arena - both emotional and physical.
Fighting in Different Physical & Emotional Arenas
Those of us who work in physical training are often focused on how to develop greater human capacity.
How to train
a heart to be capable of going longer
muscles to be stronger
a client more mobile or harder to defeat
an individual to perform better
And, it’s interesting to note that even in different physical practices, which similarly focus on developing human capacity, like the practice of yoga, we also find the use of the word “warrior”.
Warrior in Yoga
Several of the foundational standing poses in yoga are named "Warrior," such as:
Warrior 1
Warrior 2
Historically, some yoga poses were used as a form of disguised military training when British rule in India had outlawed martial practices.
Today, yoga is rarely associated with combat and is commonly viewed as a form of exercise. However, its practice is still influenced by Indian culture and spiritual traditions, which incorporate metaphors and imagery drawn from animals, nature, and gods. This influence is reflected in the names of many yoga postures.
So where a “Warrior” might be a literal fighter, it also can refer to the aspects of Hindu gods whose role is to serve almost like a force of nature in the cycle of death and rebirth or destruction and creation.
This is an ancient way of understanding human experience and psychology.
What I couldn’t help but observe while watching a story about men fighting physically, dealing with injuries, exhaustion, and the challenges of a combat sport, was that although the action focused on what was happening in the ring - their ability to shake off blows and keep going in the face of fear and exhaustion (one brother uses classical music and breathing to stay grounded) - the more important struggle to ward off blows and maintain focus was in their lives.
What touched me was how broken and hurt these people were and how difficult it was for them to find their way back to reconciliation.
Like my friend, they didn’t know how to handle their feelings.
As human beings, do any of us?
What ultimately became clear to me was that the impulse to harden ourselves and fight harder and be strong while important in navigating a harsh world, or a challenging situation, will never provide a solution.
The only solution can be found in the type of emotional honesty, love, forgiveness, and vulnerability that yoga understands is very much a part of being a warrior.
And while most of us will never step into an octagon to go five rounds all of us have experienced blows throughout our lives that harden us, and make us wary of expressing our vulnerable and softer side.
The real challenge for a warrior is to be able to see that bad behavior and brokenness are linked to pain.
And fighting pain with pain and blow with blow won’t fix anything.
It may, at times, be necessary. But it is not, ultimately a solution, and leads to a dead end.
Just as it's exhausting and difficult to go five minutes in a mixed martial arts match, it's equally exhausting to absorb and contend with the level of pain that exists in the world around us in our families, in our friendships, in our relationships, and in ourselves.
But a warrior must be able to fend off, absorb and deal with the pain and the blows and yet still be able to move forward toward what is constructive and healing.
In the midst of struggle, like my friend in the movie theater, we often feel the urge to fight ourselves, to resist, or to suppress the pain.
Yet, as we confront this pain - whether through tears, words, or other forms of release - we may find that it clears the way for greater clarity.
This clarity is more than just emotional relief; it becomes a better guide for action, helping us move forward with purpose and wisdom.
In a world filled with suffering, our strength must support not just our physical abilities but our capacity for insight and reflection.
When we allow ourselves to feel and express deeply, we begin to see more clearly, making choices rooted in wisdom rather than reaction.
The real task of a warrior, then, is to use this clarity to guide actions that are loving, wise, and constructive - turning strength into something that serves a deeper, more meaningful purpose.
Fighting Feelings, Exercise and Day to Day Life
Battles to achieve a clearer perspective, more of our potential and the things we want for our lives don't just unfold in the Hollywood version of an MMA ring.
The same challenges are there whether we want to:
lose weight
get rid of pain
move more, or better,
learn a new skill
get stronger
build more endurance
or anything else
The challenge might be:
to not eat a cookie or bag of chips.
the desire to make a physical change, and the feelings that block taking action.
the feeling of fatigue after going 3 rounds at the office or with one's kids
the act of building more connection into our lives
Exercise is a powerful tool for shifting out of, and between, different emotional states.
It can change energy levels and outlook.
In fact, the key to successfully achieving most goals is the ability to navigate the ups and downs and changing emotions that life will bring.
In the future you can check back here, at the end of the article, for more about how exercise can be used to shift feeling and energy states, as well as a way you can experience it yourself with a simple exercise that can be completed in less than 10 minutes.